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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25741273">oh, what i’ll give to stay in your arms</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicinourfingertips/pseuds/magicinourfingertips'>magicinourfingertips</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Monsta X (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(end of warnings), Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Based on a dream I had, Domestic Fluff, Everyone Needs A Hug, F/M, Fluff and Angst, I Made Myself Cry, Implication of reader having suicidal tendencies, Marriage Proposal, Men Crying, Panic Attacks, Please read tags for the following trigger warnings:, References to Depression, Sad Kihyun, Texting, Yoo Kihyun Is a Little Shit, i never thought i'd be writing this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 02:35:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,442</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25741273</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicinourfingertips/pseuds/magicinourfingertips</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(y/n) is Yoo Kihyun’s girlfriend of five years. (y/n) has always supported Kihyun back when they started dating, going to the backstages of Monsta X’s performances and bringing snacks/ meals for the members. Misunderstandings arise one night when Kihyun cannot find (y/n) after their performance.</p><p><b>Trigger Warning:</b><br/>In this fic (y/n) has dysthymia (persistent depressive disorder), anxiety disorder and implied suicidal tendencies. Kihyun has an established reason for freaking out over (y/n)’s safety.<br/>(This will be a chaptered fic just because of how many scenes I have to write.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Yoo Kihyun/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. past</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The entire plot is from a healing dream I had recently, one of the happy ones I haven’t experienced in at least 15 years thanks to nightmares. To share the happiness I felt when I was held in his arms in my dream that lingered for days, I decided to spread the love and share what happened so that hopefully more people can feel at ease with someone you love. </p><p>If you are waiting for the next chapter of my latest Ateez longfic, I apologize for my mini hiatus. July was a month where I had been panicking about school in the fall term and university hasn’t exactly been an easygoing experience for me. Things have happened in my personal life and past traumas were brought up and I’m trying to breeze through it.</p><p>Songs I listened to while writing this as well as waking up from the dream: Someone's Someone (Monsta X), Unsteady (X Ambassadors; Erich Lee Gravity Remix), Without Him (RIP Christina Grimmie) and Forest Fire (Brighton). </p><p>I hope you guys enjoy this particular piece. I nearly cried again while writing this and I hope it reaches your heart that someone in this world loves you the way Kihyun loves (y/n).</p><p>If you'd like to talk to me about my fics or writing in general, please visit me at @br_mbles on twitter!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Dating an idol was never an easy feat, for all things considered. On a particularly rainy day, on a seat hidden behind a wardrobe trolley backstage, (y/n) wondered why she never gave up on Kihyun.</p><p>Budding tears welled up in her eyes. So many times she and Kihyun had fought over small petty issues, but not once did he abandon ship and left her to deal with the aftermath alone. She figured that she should do the same, which is why she chose to hide and wait for her boyfriend to finish his performance backstage.</p><p>Meeting Kihyun was the best thing that happened in her life as a foreign scriptwriter. Despite the language barrier and the numerous times they misunderstood each other, they danced together well. Since he was also in the entertainment industry he had an easier time understanding of (y/n)’s hectic schedule, and vice versa with her understanding of Kihyun's.</p><p>So why did this time in particular hurt her? If she understood that he was apart of a famous boy-band, had a hectic schedule to work through at unconventional hours and couldn’t squeeze in a steady commitment in fear of being caught, then why was she so overwhelmed at the thought that her boyfriend missed their 2nd anniversary date? Perhaps she was just overreacting as always… or perhaps she didn’t deserve Kihyun’s attention and love at all, since she was the one who promised him to stay.</p><p>The cheers of Monbebe and concert goers occasionally filled the void in her heart, but the stream of steady tears came down quicker. (y/n) didn’t even notice that the boys had finished the concert and were in the process of coming in to change.</p><p>Loud, boisterous laughter shook her out of her reverie and she peeked around the wardrobe room just to see Wonho, Minhyuk and Jooheon shaking their heads at each other, too busy giggling over some inside joke to notice the stranger in the room. Kihyun and Hyungwon trickled in with a much more gentler demeanour while Shownu had his arm around Changkyun, calmly guiding the well-loved maknae into a seat. None of them had seemed to notice (y/n), which was a good thing since she was starting to be louder and she didn’t want to disturb their peace. On another hand, it was a bad thing because her breathing had started becoming steadily more and more laboured.</p><p>Well no one did, until Changkyun turned around with a sneeze in her direction. </p><p>The action was loud even amongst the noisy chatter of the others, which startled (y/n) from her thoughts. The sneeze alone triggered a bout of hysterical laughter that was sandwiched with hurried intakes of breaths. Her chest felt stuffy, like an invisible weight was placed onto her chest and made it hard for her to breath in and out.</p><p>
  <i>The feeling of her sudden helplessness frightened her to no ends.</i>
</p><p>From the fog in her head, she could hear Changkyun apologize to her softly. He must have noticed that her current behavior wasn’t quite how she normally behaved, that must have been why he had knelt down onto the ground.  “(y/n)? Are you okay?” He whispered softly, reaching out to place his hands on her shoulders in an attempt to placate her.</p><p>The touch only made her hyperventilate more. Instead of the warm touch making her calmer, the foreign touch in her haze of misery striking up a wave of unneeded terror in her chest. </p><p>Fighting back whatever that was limiting her actions viciously, (y/n) crumbled and reached out to grip at the nearest seat handle in between her hands. Her shoulders trembled and shook as a wave of newfound exhaustion cascaded over her, temporarily bared the burden of a full body shiver. Unsteady hands scrabbled for the nearest thing she could grasp, again. The floor kept disappearing and melting away, much to her dismay.</p><p>The room quieted down temporarily as she counted to 10 in her head, zero sounds penetrating her brain as her mind turned blank. </p><p>And then, she heard him.</p><p>Kihyun’s normally calm tone had turned unexpectedly frantic, the pitch a few notches higher than what was considered his normal dialect. He sounded like someone had just died as he rushed over, rudely pushing the others away to cater to her needs. A few orders were offered here and there, soon leaving only the maknae by their side.</p><p>The room was much less overwhelming without the others crowded around and soon (y/n) could feel her focus zoning back out to the normal range.</p><p>“(y/n)-ah,” She heard Kihyun coo as he gently maneuvered her into his lap, his long legs unfolded so that (y/n) wouldn’t feel cramped while sitting up. “Can you sit up for me? I told the others to give you some space, we’ll be safe here with Changkyunnie.” </p><p>Fully sandwiched between Kihyun’s strong arms, (y/n) couldn’t help but unleash her anguished sobs loudly. Relief flooded her body as Kihyun continued to whisper sweet nothings into her ear, his sweet method making her relax as the minutes went by. Changkyun also shuffled closer for a cuddle pile, one that (y/n) welcomed with open arms. </p><p>Eventually the others trickled back in with water, food and supplies. All of them seemed to feel relieved that nothing big had happened.</p><p>Pressing her face closely into Kihyun’s chest (y/n) couldn’t help but lay a kiss on his collarbone as a silent apology, the remnant feelings of their fight forgotten. “Thank you.. I’m sorry about our fight..” she murmured, temporarily overwhelmed with his care. </p><p>(y/n) blushed a bit as she felt Kihyun’s chest rumble with mirth. His lips briefly met the top of her forehead, silently replying with all the love he felt in the moment.</p><p>“No problem, you’re safe with me now.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. present</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Thank you for patiently waiting for this chapter! I decided to add in a little texting to spice up the plot, hope you guys enjoy it! There is one last part coming in soon, I'd look forward to it.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>(y/n) is ‘bebemon’ in this chapter. I couldn’t resist adding an easter egg for (y/n) which is her username- it’s monbebe spelled backwards!</p><p>(y/h/t) stands for your hometown.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i>You have one unread message from kihyunnie</i>
</p><p>[kihyunnie]: (y/n)-ah.. i’m so tired…</p><p>[bebemon]: pls go rest 😤❤️ </p><p>[bebemon]: how’s the concert going?</p><p>[kihyunnie]: good~  monbebe were very responsive in boston tonight</p><p>[kihyunnie]: wish u were here :(</p><p>[bebemon]: wish i was there too but there’s so much to dooooo</p><p>[kihyunnie]: are you still at work? have you eaten yet?</p><p>[bebemon]: not yet 😅</p><p>[bebemon]: i forgot, there were too many manuscripts to prepare lolol<br/>
[kihyunnie]: yah (y/n)!!!! 😤</p><p>[kihyunnie]: im telling hyunwoo and hoseok hyung you didn’t eat today</p><p>[bebemon]: omg nO PLS</p><p>[bebemon]: fine i’ll go eat now</p><p>[kihyunnie]: send me pictures of your meal and i won’t tell hyungs</p><p>[kihyunnie]: don’t just buy a piece of bread and call it a lunch</p><p>[kihyunnie]: what am i going to do with you …</p><p>
  <i>[bebemon] attached an image</i>
</p><p>
  <i>[bebemon] attached an image</i>
</p><p>[bebemon]: oppa </p><p>[bebemon]: a soup and a bread is enough for me</p><p>[kihyunnie]: don’t call me that </p><p>[kihyunnie]: i know you want something from me when you do that</p><p>[kihyunnie]: silly jagiya</p><p>[bebemon]: n o i d o n ‘ t</p><p>[kihyunnie]: 👀👀👀</p><p>[bebemon]: okay fine i want you to not tell shownu and wonho hyung about my adventures of not eating at work, are you satisfied now</p><p>[kihyunnie]: you know we just want you to be healthy right? You have to eat well and sleep well to be able to be healthy and happy, you can’t always work.</p><p>[kihyunnie]: one day i’ll be able to provide you what you need by your side, so please wait for me</p><p>[kihyunnie]: (y/n)???</p><p>[bebemon]: gimme one sec i have a call</p><p>[bebemon]: are you drunk yoo kihyun</p><p>[kihyunnie]: no???? (y/n) what do you mean by am i drunk???</p><p>[bebemon]: you’re… you’re so cheesy</p><p>[bebemon]: i hate you so much</p><p>[kihyunnie]: yah i’m serious</p><p>[kihyunnie]: i don’t like seeing you always stressed</p><p>[bebemon]: ur not seeing me rn 😇</p><p>[kihyunnie]: 👀👀👀</p><p>[bebemon]: you’re one to talk 🙄 you and the group work so hard to promote albums to korea and the rest of the world, you guys practice every day and night.. kihyun, you literally tried to cut down your diet for some abs and your ‘fans’; even tho that’s not happening rn, i still worry about it sometimes, that you would go back to those days. ik you want me to feel better but it goes both ways, okay?</p><p>[kihyunnie]: im sorry (y/n), i just want you to be healthy and happy. i don’t like seeing you in pain.</p><p>[bebemon]: neither do i</p><p>[kihyunnie]: i love you ❤️ </p><p>[bebemon]: ilyyy</p><p>[bebemon]: tho if you try to become my sugar daddy and make me your trophy wife, i will tell minhyuk</p><p>[bebemon]: ❤️ </p><p>[kihyunnie]: …</p><p>[kihyunnie]: you’re getting it when i go to (y/h/t)</p>
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